


He Doesn't Remember

by ncdover1285



Series: Destiel Fanfiction Bingo [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Hell Flashbacks, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-28 00:44:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13892646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ncdover1285/pseuds/ncdover1285
Summary: Fills a prompt on Destiel Bingo 2018: O2Castiel is scared of being rejected by DeanAlso a prompt from the same page the bingo is fromHeadcanon: Cas and Dean fell in love while the angel was rebuilding him and restoring his soul but once Dean surfaced on earth he didn't remember any of it an Cas has been subtly trying to remind him ever since.





	He Doesn't Remember

He Doesn’t Remember

ncdover1285

 

He didn’t remember. That was enough of a reminder that Castiel shouldn’t tell Dean Winchester of the love that the two of them had forged as he rebuilt the righteous man’s body and soul. The enochian spell was supposed to help Dean repress any negative emotions and feelings from his time in hell. Dean still has flashbacks from hell and nightmares. He also seemed quite versed in the torture techniques that he had learned while under Alistair’s training. He is still repressing all the memories of the two of them, soul and grace entwining in a dance that almost resembles love making. If he was so traumatized by what was between them that he had it pushed down further than memories of being tortured and of torturing then Castiel wasn’t going to bring it up to him. There is no way that he would want a relationship with the angel, especially since it started while in hell. Castiel would just have to deal with the parts of the bond that Dean seemed to remember and was okay with. Whenever he couldn't resist the pull of Dean’s soul to his grace Dean would complain about personal space and yes they had indeed had this conversation before but Castiel was too afraid of being rejected to point out that they had also been closer than any two humans can ever be, Sam has even commented on the way that they are constantly staring at each other. 

 

These are the times when Castiel allows himself to hope, just a little, that maybe Dean really does remember, and just doesn't want to hurt him by telling him it just isn’t what he wants now, that it’s just easier to pretend it never happened. This Castiel is confident that he could handle. Then it would mean that Dean may not be interested in his choice of vessel. Then it wouldn’t mean that he was so repulsed by the now fallen angel that was so completely in love with him that he turned his back on his brothers and father when they were so dependent on him that he repressed his memories of even loving him over repressing the images from hell. He in fact only became what he was now because of the love he has for Dean and holds him in higher regard than he ever did his family. The problem with that is that family is the most important thing to Dean. When Dean allows the staring to go past a comfortable time limit and into something that reminds Castiel of the embrace between soul and grace that they once shared. He feels like Dean is asking him to mention it, even if he is asking without words. Castiel needs the words though, because he can’t let his guard down and lose what relationship that he does have with Dean if he isn’t able to have that connection outside of the bubble they had created when he was rebuilding Dean. Sam has tried repeatedly to convince Castiel to tell his big brother how he feels. How Sam had realized the way Castiel felt for Dean he was not sure, but in all honesty he had never really tried to keep it secret from anyone besides Dean himself, and if he was being honest he wasn’t really trying to keep his feelings from Dean only the fact that they had already acted on those feelings and the extent their special bond went to. 

 

Dean knew they were connected but not that they had become something along the lines of grace mates. His grace inside of Dean that stayed mixed up with his soul was something very uncommon among angels. They generally didn’t care what humans felt and wouldn’t want to try to shield them the way that Castiel had with Dean. He truly loved the righteous man and didn’t want him to suffer if there was any way that he could be spared. One day maybe they could build a relationship on the friendship and comradery they had built here on earth and Castiel would be able to explain to Dean the extent of what he felt for him. Until then though he would continue loving him from the sidelines, at least this way he would have some sort of relationship with Dean and would be allowed to be close to his hunter.


End file.
